Irony in the discourse between law firms and law departments

With more than a dollop of cynicism and an appreciation for irony, consider how law firms are from Mercury and law departments from Pluto:

Alternative billing means premiums to firms, cost-saving to departments
Associates are profit centers to firms, low-value bill-boosters to departments
Budgets are floors to firms, ceilings to law departments
Client satisfaction is cross selling to firms, pointed feedback from departments
Diversity is marketing to firms, corporate policy and sound business to departments
Extranets are lock-in devices for firms, technology choices to departments
Invoices are massaged bills to firms, management data to departments
Most-favored-nation commitments are anathema to firms, just desserts to departments
Partnering envision by firms is grabbing more dollars, getting better value to departments
Relationship partners are to firms figureheads but to departments problem solvers
Specialists are vertiginous billing rates to firms, cost-effective judgment to departments